"Thankful for the Scars" - A Precious Memory

The other day I heard a song on the radio ("Scars" by I Am They), and it meant a lot to me, so I have been meaning to post about it. The lyrics I heard were:

"... My brokenness brought me to You.

And these wounds are a story You'll use.

So I'm thankful for the scars

'Cause without them I wouldn't know Your heart...."

These lyrics brought me back to the Spring of 2017. I had to have skin cancer removed from my upper lip area. I sent photos (after the reconstruction surgery, and after the stitches were removed) to my Mom and Dad, and the results were that I received some eternally precious texts from my Dad (and Mom!), and my Dad sent me a book, Baffled to Fight Better by Oswald Chambers... and he passed away just weeks later.

These are the photos I texted my parents:

After Reconstruction Surgery, April 2017

After the stitches were removed... Spring 2017

In response to the photos, and telling my parents, whom I was planning to visit shortly, that I was not supposed to/able to even smile for a while after the surgery, my dad wrote me these words (some of the last words I ever received from him):

"I ordered a book this morning with you in mind -"Our Ultimate Refuge" formerly called "Baffled to Fight Better", which I finished reading about an hour ago. I'll send you that copy, with the latter, original title, since the other will take a while to get to me. It's about the book of Job.

God alone knows why we are allowed to go through things, Job kept maintaining before his friends, whom offered him counsel that didn't cut it. "Beware of subtleties which twist facts. It is possible to torture a man with a delicate mind, as in the case of Ugo Bassi, torture him not physically, but by suggesting that he has been guilty of base motives and deeds....If Job had been of this man's stamp with a hypersensitive mind and not the robust spirit he was, he would have said,'Oh well, I must be worse than I imagined; and I must be guilty.' But he stuck to it: No, I have not been dishonorable and bad; you may say what you like, but that is not the reason why I suffer." (Pg. 106 of the book I'll send you tomorrow.)

Look to Him, keep stong in Spirit...though we are fragile and made of dust we can call on Him! We'll of couse be praying you will gain the Lord and that the whole family will accept any limitations that may result during your needed time of rest and healing. We'll be praying for Donny's health too.

Perhaps It maybe necessary to reassess expectations from a very demanding business to provide for out of stste tuition, room and board, don't you think? God grant Nathan grace and understanding and acceptance of God's sovereignty if a change of direction is necessary.

Love you much,

Dad"

And then...

"My 4/18/17 text contains the ministry, OC [Oswald Chambers] wanted hearers to respect, and had no affinity with ones exalting himself, the messenger. The book mentioned above (probably it is still on its way) is the drink offering poured out.

Our role, as parents at this time and me as a father, is to be staight forward as to addressing our daughter's need at this hard time.

This, I believe "Our Ultimate Refuge" addresses. Would it not be nice for you to rest with limited Mom, during these demanding days, when family and friends will tend to feel a need to lean on and have fun with one always known as strong and bouyant, but is cautioned not even to laugh or even smile, at this normally happy and festive time??

OC, suffered, especially from the years Nathan is entering into. Sweet wine was produced, as was the case with both you and Donny, during this time of life, that largely defines who you are.

Looking into the Lord's face, not denying His name, living within sovereign limitation, and refusing to look at self resulting in succumbing to the enemy's demands and accusations, even from those closest to you, is the way.

The book "Abandoned to God" may help reinforce how we need to commit our children to God, and not get over extended, and try to do more than we can do. Though life is difficult, we must allow our children to go through difficult times.

Some time before OC died of a ruptured appendix, he applied such an operation, in one of his lectures, as an example of the need to remove something life threatening. Later, after his death, this seemed to perhaps been a premonition.

Our house is open, things are beginning to bloom, we have a very simple and restful life together and would very much enjoy having you with us, at least until you can smile and laugh again:)

Love,

Dad"

And finally, about my upcoming visit (I didn't make it before his heart attack) he wrote:

"Whatever works best for you and Rosalind is fine. We're totally flexible. We reserved an affordable Camry size rental car for 3 weeks from June 8th for our Redding trip and your use while your here. You will have to sign on as a third driver, on Monday, after you get here. Mom may come with me to pick you up, but may not feel up to it--she'll know better when the time comes. We're looking forward to your time here and want you to feel at total liberty to do what you and Christy want to do."

I was able to visit my dad after his massive heart attack in June 2017, a few days after that last text message (above), and brought the book he had just sent me, which I had begun to read and deeply enjoy the night before his heart attack. As I read aloud some from the book to my dad, there in his hospital room, he would give me a hearty "thumbs up" since he wasn't able to speak, due to his intubation.

"... My brokenness brought me to You.

And these wounds are a story You'll use.

So I'm thankful for the scars

'Cause without them I wouldn't know Your heart...."

Me next to my dad, a few days after the last text message quoted above:

With the book he had sent me.... So thankful to have been able to enjoy something precious to my dad before he died - and I wouldn't have known about it, probably, had it not been for my sugery/wound/scar...

By the way, the very last text I received from my dad was the night before he died. I asked him if Bob and Antoinette, my sister-in-law Michelle's parents, could visit him in the next morning. His text just says, "Sure!"

Bob and Antoinette arrived as a huge team was trying to resuscitate my dad, to no avail, on June 19th. Antoinette was there to hug and hold my weeping mom.

My dad would have been (or was - if he somehow was aware...) so grateful for their comforting presence, there with us, as he left his us and his physical, mortal frame.